around six months ago,i told you i wanted to be with you.
the next day,i woke up happy.i have someone.eventho it feels weird at first.
what can i say,he was my first.

six months and 23 days later,i told you i cant be with you.
i cant be what you wanted me to be.
i cant give you what you want.
the next day,i woke up heartbroken.
i feel as tho a part of me is missing.
and that missing part is so important to me.

no matter how hard i try to direct my thoughts,
it always find its way back to you.
you left me with so much.
i cant help it.
everytime,even the most slightest thought made me shed tears.
wth is wrong with me.i cant stand being like this.

and they say,your first,would always leave you with the deepest mark.
how am i suppose to move on.
i tried to be strong.

yes,im sick.i ate sleeping pills yesterday so that i can sleep.
but it didnt work.
i took two.
i still cant sleep.
i know its not good to take those pills,but i dont know what to do.
for some time,those pills helped my brain to stop thinking.
nothing at all.numb.

i finally,slept at 8am.woked up at 10.uncle called.
after that call,i sat there motionless.
The only thing i wanted to do was pick up the phn and call him.
Fcuk.this feels so shitty.
i want to be happy.
friends say heartbreaks only last for weeks.but forgetting him takes years.
weeks.yea.the time seems to move slowly when im sad.

i want to hurt myself.someway or another.
because i know,that's the only way to replace the pain.

thank you to those people who tried to make me laugh.
it made me smile for a few minutes.
all i can say,is that im traumatised.

Labels: numb